Have you ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? You may have it, or a form of it. It is something that can cripple you and keep you from experiencing true change and becoming the person you desire to be. When you want to be something you currently are not, there’s typically a standard that must be met before you can “be” whatever that thing is. For instance, if you wanted to be a dentist, you would first have to do all the schooling required. Additionally, you would need to apply for and accept a job at a dentist's office. You can't wake up tomorrow and decide that you are a dentist. Going from not being a dentist to being one isn’t simply a decision that you make. There is a process and a clear transition that takes place. A different example that requires less of a process, but still has a pretty clear point of transition, would be becoming an athlete of a particular sport. If you’ve never played soccer in your life, you shouldn’t consider yourself a soccer player, but the minute you join a team you can identify as a soccer player (even if you aren’t a good one yet). Some things that we desire to be, however, have a little more of a subjective standard. Imagine you want to be a runner. You don’t have to join the track team or enter a race to consider yourself a runner. You could start running tomorrow and decide that you’re a runner now. If you only run once or twice a month you may be an out-of-shape runner! So, how often do you have to run to really be considered a runner? If someone who runs all the time takes a month off, are they no longer a runner or a runner who took a month's break? If you run once a week, can you say you’re a runner? Do you have to buy running shoes to make it official? What if you aren’t very good at it? Imposter Syndrome, simply put, is when you don’t feel qualified enough to be or call yourself something. It’s a feeling of self-doubt that causes you to question your credentials. Mindset plays a HUGE role in your health and the decisions you make each day as I’ve mentioned in the article, “Changing Your Mind About Health - No Motivation Needed.” That article dealt more specifically with a person's perspective on the direct impact that their daily decisions have on their long-term health. Imposter Syndrome still has to do with mindset, but it’s a different aspect. Everyone is different as far as their level of confidence is concerned, especially when it comes to doing something new. Many people base the way they classify themselves on their capabilities. I know someone who has played soccer their entire life, but if you asked them if they're a soccer player, they would say something like "I try to play, but I'm not any good" (he is good). He probably wouldn't even consider himself a soccer player simply because he doesn't think he's as good as other players. Another basis someone might use to determine whether or not they "are something" (like a soccer player) is how often they participate in the activities or habits associated with that thing. This makes sense. If you haven't played soccer in 20 years, you'll probably identify as a former player rather than a current one. If you never run, then you won’t feel like you’re a runner, even if you would like to be. Ironically, how we identify ourselves will often determine our actions as well as our limitations. In other words, if you identify as someone who isn’t a reader, you likely won’t read much, or at least not as much as you would if you believe yourself to be an avid reader. Therefore, if you want to read more, one of the first steps is to stop saying you aren’t a reader. We sometimes put unnecessary limitations on ourselves because of Imposter Syndrome. Sure, you can’t decide tomorrow that you’re a doctor just because you said so. Doing so should certainly cause you to feel like an imposter! Everything has different credentials though, and some things have no credentials whatsoever. If you consider yourself a morning person, there’s no log you must show to prove you wake up at a certain time each day to identify as such.
There can be several circumstances that present an opportunity for imposter syndrome to creep in. One, in particular, is when you try to change something about yourself that goes against the way you’ve previously been or the habits you’ve previously developed. If you want to be productive but have been lazy for years, it’s going to be hard to tell yourself you’re no longer a lazy person. Being lazy occasionally is different than identifying as a person who IS lazy. When the thing you are trying to change is wrapped up in the way you identify yourself, that's where you need to start. If you see yourself as a lazy person, then the tendency will be to still think of yourself as a lazy person who is pretending to be productive and simply fooling yourself and others around you. You could be productive for 30 days straight and have one bad day, and you will feel like a lazy person who faked productivity for 30 days rather than a productive person who fell into laziness one day. The question is, what are the credentials for someone to truly change and become something else? At what point are you no longer a lazy person? We hear stories all the time about people who weren’t very smart but became geniuses, or people who were unhealthy but are now very healthy, or unsuccessful people who are now considered successful, whether it be in acting, the business world, athletics, or any other area. At some point, that person no longer identified as a slow learner, or as unhealthy. I'm not talking about when the rest of the world noticed. That individual had to view themselves differently long before everyone else recognized it. The question is, what came first? Did their identity/mindset change first, and then the actions followed, or did the actions cause the change of mind? I believe it’s a combination of both, but to avoid imposter syndrome, there’s a specific order in which things need to take place, and it’s where many people get it wrong. I’m going to give you the steps, but you have to realize it takes time, consistency, and a building of trust and confidence within yourself to truly avoid imposter syndrome and believe that you are the person you say you are and that you desire to be.
Step 1. Determine Who You Want to Be
Think about the person you would like to be. Envision what that person looks like, what things they do and don’t do. Think of the character traits you would like to embody. Do you desire to be someone who works hard and is dedicated? Think it through and be sure to consider the cost of becoming that person. What sacrifices will you need to make? Will it be worth it? It’s also important to think through why you desire to be the person you are envisioning. What do you believe will be better about your life if you become the “better version of yourself” that you are thinking of? I wanted to become a better reader, but that wasn't enough. I needed to clearly define why becoming a better reader was important to me.
Step 2. Stop Saying “I Want to Be” or “I’m Trying to Be....”
This is where many people go wrong and why they get stuck. I get it, I’ve been there. When I first decided to start my own business, rather than saying, “I have my own business,” I would say, “I’m trying to start my own business.” It may seem like a harmless difference. In my mind, I was simply being honest with myself about the reality of the situation. I didn't REALLY have a business yet; I was just taking the first steps. That's how I thought about it at first anyway. The problem that I didn’t notice was that I wasn’t operating like a business partly because of the very fact that I wasn’t considering myself one. I was waiting for my business to look like a business before identifying it as such, not realizing that the way I was identifying it was one of the very things holding me back from looking and operating like a business. Now, to be clear, I’m not suggesting you “fake it till you make it”, or that you lie about credentials that you don’t have. If I told someone, "I own my own business", and they asked how many clients I had, the proper answer would have been zero at one point in time. That's nothing to be embarrassed about though, and the validation of others didn't legitimize whether or not I was a business owner. The bottom line is that you need to start doing the things that the person you want to be would do, and the thing that could be holding you back from doing those things could be as simple as a slight change of wording. Instead of telling people and yourself that you “want” or are “trying” to become something, start saying “I am doing” or “I am being” such and such. An example would be, instead of saying, “I’m trying to be healthier” or “I’m trying to take better care of myself,” say, “I’m making healthy decisions now.” Someone may look for proof, but you aren't doing it for them. The proof will come in time, but having the wrong mindset could get in the way of the results you desire. It may seem like an insignificant difference in wording, but it comes down to the mindset level. Identifying as someone who is now healthy is the first step in making decisions a healthy individual would make. Again, saying you are healthy now won't magically fix your blood pressure right then and there, but it will greatly increase your chances of lowering it and keeping it down for good.
Step 3. Do The Things the Person You Desire to Be Would Do
Like I said, simply telling yourself and others that you’re healthy now doesn’t automatically make it happen. Don’t make yourself a liar, follow through and ask yourself what things “healthy you” would do. When I asked earlier if the identity/mindset changes first and then the actions follow, or if the actions cause the change of mind, I said it’s a combination of both but in a specific order. This is what I meant. If you begin taking action without the shift in mindset/identity, it will inevitably lead to imposter syndrome and probably not last long. The same is true if you change your mindset without any action to follow it up. Step 2 in the process is an important one, and one most people miss, but it’s not enough on its own. It comes before step 3 but is also partially dependent on step 3. You still need to take steps in the right direction, or imposter syndrome will still seep in, and you will lose trust in yourself. The point is that your actions have to align with what or who you are saying you are. What you say will impact the likelihood of whether or not you take any action, but you still need to take the action. People often skip step 2 because they’re giving themselves an easy out. If you say “I’ll give it a try” it’s because you aren’t confident you’ll succeed, and you are essentially accepting defeat before you begin. There are two major problems with this kind of mindset. First, your odds of failure go up significantly. This alone should be enough to convince you to change the way you talk about the things you set your mind to. A simple mindset and vocabulary shift increases your chances of succeeding significantly. Secondly, though, failure doesn’t sting any less if you expect it. I would argue that the person who was confident that they would succeed is better off. For one thing, the person who expects to fail only confirms what they already believe about themselves, causing them to get even more discouraged and give up entirely. It may soften the blow, but it doesn’t make you feel any better overall. The confident person will still feel disappointment in failure, but they don’t stay down, and they don’t give up. They don’t view themselves as a failure, they view themselves as a winner who suffers some losses at times. Your language is the window into the level of confidence you have that you will accomplish something or not. You can’t flip a switch to start believing in what you're capable of, but you can choose to start talking differently which is a big first step that leads to doing the things the person you desire to be would do!
Step 4. Find Confirmation Through Your Victories
Many times, people find more confirmation through their failures than their successes. Here’s an example, and maybe even one you could relate to. When someone decides they want to lose weight, if their mindset is the “I’m TRYING to lose weight” one, they are still likely viewing themselves as someone who is overweight and doesn’t make healthy decisions. They may lose a lot of weight over the next several weeks and be making the decisions that the healthy version of themselves would make, but because they still have imposter syndrome and haven’t changed their mindset about the person they are, all it takes is one bad day for them to feel like their “true identity” is still the person who failed even though they’ve had far more successes than ever before. Again, this goes back to step 2. How you view yourself will determine whether you find confirmation of who you are when you have successes or if you find confirmation in your failures. I’m not saying that you have to tell people you’re skinny if you aren’t, but you need to believe that the person you are choosing to be will soon be reflected in other areas like your weight. That takes time, but you can still be that healthy version of yourself RIGHT NOW even if the outward results aren’t immediately noticeable. I hope that makes sense. I’m a personal trainer. That title doesn’t make me a more or less healthy individual, but it does play a role in my mindset and in the decisions I make. I think of myself as a trainer, and it aids me in making the healthy decisions a trainer would make. It’s part of my identity which brings me a level of confidence in identifying as somebody healthy. I became a trainer in an instant. When I was hired at Anytime Fitness in Rochester Hills, Michigan back in 2015, I went from not being a trainer to being one. That new identity was immediate even if I didn’t have any clients or floor experience yet. Even as a trainer, I have bad weeks in the gym or with my diet, but I don’t get so discouraged that I give up on exercising or eating right. Part of the reason is because those bad decisions aren’t confirming anything for me. If deep down I believed I was a lazy unhealthy person and that my personal trainer certification was just a cover-up, then when I have a bad week, I will feel more confirmed in those negative beliefs. I believe I’m a healthy individual who makes some bad decisions, not the other way around. Again, I’m not saying you can just flip a switch and believe something differently about yourself than what you currently do, but the process starts with a change in how you view yourself and in what you believe you are capable of.
Step 5. Surround Yourself with People Who Are What You Want to Be
This step should be obvious, but it can be easily overlooked. I’m not saying to “cut out” people who aren’t doing or being the exact thing you want to do or be, but it is important to find some people who can identify with the new person you are choosing to be. People who can’t relate to what you are about can still be encouraging, but it’s not the same as receiving encouragement and accountability from someone who can relate with you and sees the value in what you are doing and who you are choosing to be. It can also be just as hard for people who have always viewed you a certain way to change their mind about you as it is for you to change your mind about you. Finding people who are supportive of who you are now choosing to be is crucial.
Let me summarize by giving you a practical example of all 5 steps put into action. I’m going to use the example of "becoming a reader" because it’s one that I’ve applied this process to. I always used to tell people I’m not a good reader because I read slowly and because I didn’t retain much of what I read. I’ve always valued reading and wanted to do more of it, but for as long as I can remember I hardly ever finished a book that I started. In both high school and college, I did lots of skim reading and would do terribly when there were quizzes or tests with questions from the reading. If we were asked if we did the reading, I would often have to say no. Even well into adulthood I would buy books and be excited about the idea of reading them but would hardly ever follow through. I used to think the solution was to learn tactics for reading faster and retaining more of what I read, but I wouldn’t even follow through in applying those tactics. Perhaps I just needed more time? Fast forward to 2023, and I’ve read more books than any previous year of my life, even more than what I read during the few semesters I took in master’s seminary school (which was a lot of reading), and I promise it isn’t because I have more time. The first thing I did was think about the person I wanted to be. I’ve always liked the idea of being someone who reads lots of books. All 3 of my siblings seem to naturally be “readers”, but I never was, or so I thought. In the past, I had set goals for “how many books I’m going to read this year” which never worked for me. This time instead of setting another goal while still having the same mindset that I wasn’t a reader, I decided to focus more on changing my mindset. I thought through the things I thought a “reader” would do, or things I had seen people who read a lot doing. One major thing I concluded is that a reader would choose to read instead of choosing other things at times. That may seem obvious, but it wasn’t natural for me. I had to start consciously deciding to read rather than doing something else. Instead of just aimlessly trying to read more books I had to specifically decide that in the morning when I would usually spend 15 minutes looking at my phone, I would instead choose to read. I also had to think about bringing a book with me when I knew I would have some downtime. I’ll just be honest, that thought never used to cross my mind. My first thought wasn’t to bring a book when I was going to have some time to fill, but now I’m a reader so I have to think like one! The next thing I did was decide to find a book on the topic of mindset as well as being a better reader. It was a topic I was interested in, and I figured it could be helpful for the very thing I was determined to be. If you’re curious, the book I decided to read is called Limitless by Jim Kwik. Another thing I did early on was set timers while I read. It wasn’t that I had to stop when the timer went off, but I could if I chose to. It was a way to not overdo it and burn out. I also embraced reading when I normally wouldn’t choose to. If I researched a topic and there was an option between reading or watching a video explanation, I would choose to read. I would force myself to read even when I didn’t want to. The next thing I did was change my language. I stopped telling other people that I’m not a great reader or that I don’t retain what I read well. Instead, I would just talk about what I was reading with people. As a result, I started retaining what I was reading better, and I also found other people who either read similar books or even the same books I was reading. Now I have friends who are “readers” who view me as a reader as well. It also helped me "feel" more like a reader when I talked about what I was reading. Step 4 in the process is probably the hardest. When I fail to retain what I’ve read, take a long time to read, or even go a month without picking up a book, I have to remind myself that I’m a reader who sometimes fails to retain what I’ve read, takes a long time to read, or even fails to read for a while. Something that helps me through this is realizing that all of those things happen to other people who classify themselves as readers as well. I believe that a large part of the reason that I’ve been able to read more than ever before and retain more than I ever used to is that I changed my mindset. Yes, reading more books and retaining more certainly helps confirm that new mindset, but I had to change the mindset first and then the action finally followed after years of failing, which solidified my new belief. If you’re a little confused still I’m not surprised. Here's the thing. It wasn’t that reading more made me a reader. Deciding that I was a reader is what enabled me to read more, and now there’s no going back. Read that one more time, slowly. It wasn’t that reading more made me a reader. Deciding that I was a reader is what enabled me to read more… Even if I go a while without reading, I consider myself a reader now just as much as I consider myself a personal trainer. I may not be as good of a reader as someone else, but I’m not comparing myself to others. I’m not less of a reader just because someone else is better at it, and you’re not less of a healthy or “in shape” individual because someone else is healthier or more in shape. Compare yourself to the version of yourself that you want to be, not to anyone else, and then decide to be that person. It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Don't let the fear of not being perfect keep you from changing at all.
Reflect on how you describe yourself to others or how you think of yourself. Do you think of yourself as the person you desire to be, or are you simply “giving it a try” hoping the mindset will follow? Coming from a personal trainer who has seen some insane life transformations, I 100% believe you are capable of being the person you desire to be and reaching the goals that you desire to reach! Do you?
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